"100 Reasons We Like Kirk More than Picard, Kiddo's Favs"
1. When Data died, Picard had a funeral. When Spock died, Kirk reconstituted the body, forced it's soul back in, and even got him laid along the way.
5. Kirk has caused computers to self-destruct by out-thinking them on three separate occasions.
9. Picard is from France
14. Kirk chastises omni-powerful super beings for not being polite to women
20. Picard's name is known and respected throughout Klingon space.
Kirk's name is cursed and vilified.
Kirk's name is cursed and vilified.
24. Picard quotes Shakespeare for fun. Kirk quotes Shakespeare to intimidate his enemies.
30. Kirk once said: "You're the Captain's woman till he says your not."
37. Kirk mocks Federation bureaucrats that he doesn't like and then proves that their aides are Klingon spies, just to make the point.
I take issue with:
43. Kirk repopulated the Earth's once extinct humpbacked whale species.
I think this was more Spock's doing than Kirks. Kirk just banged a blonde
57. Kirk fought the Greek god Apollo. And won.
59. Kirk's middle name is Tiberius.
66. Kirk chops his own firewood.
67. Kirk once led a Mafia take over.
68. Kirk would have slept with Beverly Crusher by episode two
67. Kirk once led a Mafia take over.
68. Kirk would have slept with Beverly Crusher by episode two
87. 87% of all Klingon opera is about the singer's desire to kill Kirk.
88. The other 13% of all Klingon opera is about the singer's desire to be killed by Kirk in glorious battle.
88. The other 13% of all Klingon opera is about the singer's desire to be killed by Kirk in glorious battle.
96. "KHHHAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!"
97. Kirk blatantly disobeys one out of every five Starfleet orders just to remind them who's really minding the store.
97. Kirk blatantly disobeys one out of every five Starfleet orders just to remind them who's really minding the store.
100. Style: Kirk did it first, he did it better and he did it wearing gold velour and Beatle-boots with a space girl on each arm.
.
Now, I ask you, Chuck Norris fans, what have you to say for yourselves and your sloppy idols?
3 comments:
Technically number 30 was Kirk as evil mirror Kirk. Normally he wouldn't say that (in words, that is).
What really scares me is that about 30 of these are also true about me.
Although I've never worn velour.
Glad you enjoyed it.
Picard: "Surrender now, or I will open fire on the count of five. One. Two. Three. Three and a half. Three and three quarters. Three and seven eighths...."
Kirk: "Surrender now or I will open fire on the count of five. One. Two. Three--FIRE PHASERS!"
The boots are way cool.
Oh, yea, Chuck Norris. Almost forgot about him. I think they'd just get along like a house afire. Peas and carrots, know what I mean?
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