Biden (this is too long)

Joe Biden Uses Moldova

Somehow in between discovering Roma broke up with his girlfriend, discussing how Japanese assembly line cars are better than American assembly line cars, and the price of living in various American cities, I got really angry on behalf of all sorts of things at Roma and Grigore.

First it was a repetition of why we ought not continually kick gypsies. But then it grew into Russia. By which time G and R were looking at me with expressions common on other teen faces, but never thiers. That is I had clearly gone over their heads.

This is not the first time G has managed to poke me into being angry about the treatment of the Roma people (gypsies) in Europe. “Why do you do this? Do you like to see me so angry?”

“So much passion? Yes. It is interesting.”

“Do you at all see why I am so angry?”

“You cannot be right all the time.”

Which is where I steamed off after Russia. They just think it's funny when I rant about Russian politics. This steered them to ask: “Did you meet Joe Biden?” Which I think funny for a couple reasons: I haven't heard him referred to as the vice president except on the Moldovan news. It's not someone I ever thought I'd meet. My home base is his work locus, and I had to fly to Moldova, to live, for two years, to have a chance to see him in the flesh, let alone to chat.

“Yes.” They nod, this is what they expect. You're American, he's American, all Americans are magic. “Well, sort of. He doesn't know my name, and certainly does not remember who I am. I did make him laugh though!”

And then I repeated my lame joke, which needs demand I repeat here too. However, it should be known, I actually said three things to him. The joke was just the climax. And a climax was needed. There was so much anticipation and and awe stored up in our collective Volunteer chests I got a natural chuckle from every person in ear shot. Weird. Almost as weird as it is to listen to a consumate politician talk. I guess only the best become presidents.

There was a stiltedness in both Joe and Doctor Biden's speeches, and awkward wording whenever they clearly were substituting in some information specific to our embassy. Also, it was clear he had chosen an Embassy-Specific speech, and that PC was kind of a bonus deal for shmoozing. That is there "smooth speech, smooth speech, smooth speech, uh... organizing stuff with schools – good! - uh... smooth speech..." etc.

Honestly, visiting this place must have just been a wet dream for his publicists. Country who loves him. Talking to Foreign Service Officers and Peace Corps Volunteers. Not a single person who is going to demand anything more difficult than a plea for not cutting our budget. Even as verbosely professional as that guy's wording was, it was just plain begging: Don't Take Our Money! (though really, we don't use too much and do way more good for foreign relations than many another governmental program I can think of).

So, Joe asked how long we'd been there, a year? “no” said a volunteer. Oh, ho no! We are not letting him think we are all wet around the ears. “19 months” I declare.

“Really?” he asked, mock incredulous.

“Yea,” I look down at Melissa, the most competent person in view and ear shot, “19 months, right?”

“Right.” Thank you Mel!

“Sounds like someone is counting!” Joe exclaims.

“Well, we're proud!”

And without nodding at that, he's off to talks about daughters and growing up, and yes, even the budget. He mentions a couple names of senators who are with us, and one or two who are against us; he says a nice thing about each. The man is slick, but I've seen others pull this sort of thing off so well I actually buy it.

Which brings me to a point. Biden was here to intimidate Russia. Russia's last visible hold out is of course in Transniestria, where we all know NOT to go. Biden very cleverly mentioned this in his big public speech. Something like: “We will protect Moldova's sovreignity, and preserve her natural borders, and let people know that Transniestria is Molodova” I'm not directly quoting, some of my buddies got the actual transcript of the speech used for / by the translators; even got Joe to sign them. I however am just remembering.

At some point I looked at R and G and ask, more seriously than I ever get with them, “you know why Moldova is important in the world right?”

They do. They nod. They tell me exactly the right answer. They are even a little proud. Yea, Russia's politics are those of a bully!

Anyway, Biden was out this way to chat with Russia, and we were scheduled aşa to display SUA can walk the walk and cement whatever Biden told Putin and co. . And once he got here, it was all gravy. Like a holiday of press receptions.

For us though, it was quite the opposite. We were told this is kind of our job, as little demi-ambassadors. Besides which, Americans and Moldovans alike are celebrity whores. We are so excited for and by celebrity that a chance comes along and we will move heaven and earth to get there and shake a hand. Thus it was that we came to stand on the main street of Chisinau for 12 hours.

Some of us brought food, some started the day with a real meal, or a cup of coffee from close by McDonalds (where we ironically and whimsically all converged before getting into the security lines). Some of us came away with actual sunburn. A couple were in charge of getting the rest of us out of the plebian ranks and up onto a stage behind where the vice president would make his speech. I guess we were a sure bet to cheer and wave our little flags, so the Volunteers and exchange students were herded up there, given little plastic flags on straws and bobbed around to the live Moldovan flavor of pop music.

Really, it was like being a little senseless creature in a tide. I got washed up behind one security line which denied me. This being the first one I was not about to let that fucking slide. I grabbed the hand of the Moldovanka Raisa I'd befriended and just pushed through. Realizing the futility of stopping me (I guess?) the guard pretended not to see us. After three hours in full mosh, the space of this holding bay was amazing. Raisa and I wandered around until we got yelled at to turn right. To our right were some makeshift metal detectors and, yes, American security officers. They had their hands full trying to get Moldovans to understand the concept of a line. However, it was pretty cut and dry. One guy with ray bans thanked me for having my shit together. Raisa, for her part was just a bit flustered.

We were pulled along a current of demetaled audience members to a new pocket of resistence. The VIP area was full. I had a VIP ticket. Raisa did not. I let us drift and wash up on a crowd control fence the height of my chest. Directly behind me were a couple dozen assorted Americans and Moldovans. They were, like me, in varying stages of wondering how to jump said fence. Eventually we were given apologies (the tickets meant nothing) and our little flags to wave.

I settled into a sadness at being confined to the street. I watched many an earlier or more shiesty friend get onto a big stage (shiesty because one of them hi jacked a name tag that brokered no security objection and one walked in with it, passed it over the fence, they got it, passed it over the fence etc.)

Then I grew some balls. I was in a storming mind set. I would get to that stage. Sorry, Raisa, I'm leaving. I want that. (I saw her the next day, she said she'd had fun and was thankful I'd gotten her in at all. She'd have given up two stages of security earlier.) As I walked a coordinator I'm friends with appeared. He asked “do you wanna get in?” I said “yes!” he looked behind me at the entourage I'd accrued, and counted: “These 4, 10, 12, These 12 are with me! I need them on the stage!”

And so we stood on the stage. In the back, unable to see any of the action. Except for the entry gangway! It was good times. Mia and I made friends with a Secret Serviceman. We waved at all the Moldovan members of parliament arriving. Randy got a kiss blown from the Prime Minister. Melissa coordinated a “Welcome to Moldova!” shout out for Doctor Biden.

Speech was good. Meeting was good. I made a lame fucking joke. I'm proud of a lame joke. I have to get to a place where my celebrity pandering is on an equal footing lameness. Where I can say, Dude, you really need that photo op? Ha. I don't!